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In another dating article on this site you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way women have some general rules that they should content with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different so don’t take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published recently in the USA that sets out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or woman). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.

I wish there weren’t any general rules and we just got on with it but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly.

In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game then there are rules to that game and winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt rule and add them as you feel inclined.

You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.

General Dating Rules

Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.

Never reveal information you don’t have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.

Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.

Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.

Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.

Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn’t know what a florist is, dump him.

Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.

Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s perogative.

Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.

If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.

Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.

Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.

Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.

Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.

Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking

If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.

If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him

Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.

Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.

If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.

You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.

If you are wanting a child, don’t mention it on the first few dates.

Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

Always let them come to you, don’t chase via email

Block anyone who annoys you instantly

Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find

Don’t reply to instant messages with clever opening lines

Remain aloof and let yourself be chased

Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt

Never provide you true email or phone details to the man

Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn

Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic

Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best

Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad

Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday

Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile

If you don’t want to date married men spell it out in your profile

A man who doesn’t reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored

Make sure your humor levels come across in text

Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.

Don’t even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.

Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Always remember ladies that you are a sexy desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always let yourself be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date.

When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff it is always worth reminding ourselves as guys as to how to get the foundations right.

Bathe

This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippie that hadn`t bathed for a while (no offense). It doesn`t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, girls have bad hair days all the time) she won`t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!

Arrive on Time

The worst thing you can do is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don`t want her to think. Women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will she think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking her up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won`t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don`t!

Be a Gentleman

Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.

Compliment Her

The first thing to say to her is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the color of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.

Listen to Her and Ask Questions

Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.

I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a man and woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn`t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.

Prepare

The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dry`s up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.

Who Will Pay?

This is a really tough question, as now women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, then pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.

The Goodnight Kiss

Some women prefer not to kiss after a date, others are disappointed if the guy doesn’t even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.

I’ll Call You

Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on seeing her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don`t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck, or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know.

It’s a fact of life for the modern woman, committing to someone other than themselves is scary stuff. Commitment means compromise.

I often hear women complaining that there are no eligible men anymore and that they struggle to find anyone who matches up to their most basic requirements as a mate. Think about this, you rarely hear a man saying that there are no eligible women anymore, though they may argue there are too many highly selective women. No, this lack of commitment used to be an accusation thrown at men wary of marriage, but these days you are more likely to find a woman with a good job who has taken over this role as the wary one.

I know lots of eligible men. They are young, unmarried, good looking, single, with good careers, lifestyles, are fit and healthy and looking for a serious relationship. In fact most men I know are serial monogamists! I asked one of my friends, Sean, 32, about whether he felt that the modern women he met were ready to commit and he said:

" I have wanted to settle down for a long time now, but women are too interested in their careers, want a casual lover with a fat wallet and nice car, or are simply too scared of the commitment levels required to live with someone. It seems to me, women just aren’t ready to compromise their new found strengths and are very frightened of monogamy. Every time I have attempted to have a serious relationship, it is the girl who has panicked when things become more intense."

Sociologically, this is an interesting development and Sean’s view is not alone. The fact is, there is a huge pool of resourceful, talented men out there ready to commit, but they are really struggling to find partners. Its important to note that there is no great difference in the number of single, available men and women and so we don’t face an imbalance. So what is going wrong?

Well first of all, we have to consider social change. The social emancipation of women has been refreshingly vital in the last 15 years. Salaries for women have increased in many sectors, more women than men appear to be excelling academically and have moved into the mainstay career domain. A career has meant financial liberation allowing women to purchase their own apartments and cars and whole self-sufficient lifestyle unheard of two generations previously. Women are able to conceive later and they have a sexual liberty unparalleled in modern society. Indeed some men I interviewed saw women now as the main sexual aggressor and were "frightened of them." Women have become dominant in some areas and men are on the retreat, uncertain of their new role and what it may entail. Whilst I appreciate this may not be true in some of the smaller communities, the trend for city dwelling women confirms this general trend.

Marriage has become a taboo subject for many women, seeing it as a role for the subjugated with one-sided compromises that are just not worth taking on board. The average of marriage for a western woman has now increased from the early twenties to almost the early thirties, certainly 29 being a key age for many. Women instead have replaced early marriage with self fulfillment, meaningful life-content and career-path progression. This in turn means that a woman becomes instinctively very choosey about any life-partner who may interrupt this comfortable world.

In the meantime, men are struggling and perhaps seen as increasingly pathetic in their needy overtures. This is all too obvious in TV ad campaigns currently running. Whilst a man fights desperately to keep his loved-one, the woman has other ideas about where she sees herself ten years from now. It may well be settled with children, it may well be as a tax exile in the Bahamas, it may well be independent, financially astute and driven as well as successful. But she isn’t going to take any old man along for the ride. She wants her man to shape up or ship out. And rightly so.

It is clear that relationships boundaries have moved. Many career women will not compromise their jobs for the sake of a relationship. It is as likely a man will move for his girlfriend , than she for him. With career comes financial independence and like it or not, many women struggle to understand that men were brought up to feel like the breadwinner. This is likely to relate back to the hunter-gatherer of human evolution so cannot be excused so dismissively. However, as many women excel in their given careers, so the man has to come to terms with the fact that he may not be the primary breadwinner any more. Indeed he may be more likely to stay at home and rear the children.

The red-blooded male is in a quandary. The media and Hollywood send him many different confusing signals as to how he should act and react. The problem here is that as yet no final solution has resolved. Women’s lives have become dynamic and men are slow to react and evolve alongside. Consequently we can explain the reactionary rise of the Laddish culture alledgedly portrayed in magazines such as Loaded, FHM and via Jackass TV. Where a man cannot find his own sense of identity within a relationship, so he has divorced himself from considering relationship evolution. Be careful however, this is not to take on board the difficult situation modern men find themselves in with women.

As women evolve their own independence during their twenties, so they become sophisticated consumers and have acute sense of taste. Far more so than many men. This in turn means that they know exactly what they are looking for when you come along to ask them on a date. Get it right and you may be selected, get it wrong and you will be dumped without hesitation. And no, you may not be for keeps. The sophisticated new woman will often therefore see any committed relationship as similar to giving something up. You will often hear women say that they are seeking a man who will "compliment" their lives and add to their life experiences. There is no suggestion of compromise on their behalf however.

Women are also acutely aware that men cost women and can drain their emotional and financial wealth. A man can be hard work if he is not himself already emotionally self-sufficient. I am sorry to say it guys, but a lot of you are a little too emotionally needy as yet. This may relate to the current state of male self confidence in a world of increasingly dominant women. Women now value their freedom to express themselves sexually as never before and this certainly causes men a problem. TV shows like Sex and the City have covered almost every bastion of sexual discussion that men often feel uncomfortable with. Whilst women move forward increasingly confident in their own sexual behavior ands needs, men are struggling to take on the open mindedness required. Ask many men about the subject of oral or anal sex for example and they will run a mile. Men always thought sex was their domain, now the hunter has become the hunted.

Children is a key ingredient in the equation because however successful and confident the modern woman is, her biological clock may still tick. First of all its important to stress that some women are now happy to admit they never wish to have children, which is a change from previous generations. Some women are happy to admit they never wish to marry. But for those seeking children in their thirties, they have more options than merely seeking a stable semi-permanent relationship. Whereas men may have run from such a responsibility previously, now they are fighting to maintain it. If they can be replaced by a fertility clinic, they may be in trouble.

I don’t have the answers to this issue, but I do see that women are increasingly dominant in relationships, whilst the men have simply lost their way. Whilst a woman may want her man to act like a man, it is a man with conditions. Whereas before a man could call the shots, now he must listen carefully if its not he who ends up being left on the shelf. It may not be that women can’t commit, it may simply be that they don’t have to anymore.

Citing sources:
http://www.topdatingtips.com

If we are to believe the movies, the ruthless tough guy, Mr. Bad Boy, always gets the girl !! If we remember the bad guys at school and college with the best looking babes it appears that the movies could be right. The best looking girls always seem to love the bad guys. Maybe because the best looking guys always became the bad guys ? Everywhere we tend to see bad guys and nice girls, we see fools and meatheads with the girls of our fantasies. In the mall we see our flaxen haired goddesses with America’s Most Wanted. Is it nature at work, is it us, what is going wrong? You see men are confused. Men like to refer to stereo types and work from them. We are told that we need to be a hero and a tough guy, but then we are told we need to be in touch with our sensitive sides and be a modern man holding the baby.

Meanwhile the man down the street who treats his girlfriends mean, never calls, is rude and unhelpful and shows little respect appears to have a fan club developing. Life my friends is often unfair. Okay let us look at what is going on with this scenario.

Interest. Yes, interest. Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and are a law unto themselves. They do what they want. They go where they will and they answer to no one. They are interesting. Tow the line, do as you are told and you are dull. Mavericks are interesting, straight guys are not. Generally.

Bad Guys are a challenge, we all love a challenge. Women love a challenge just like guys. If something is a challenge the end results must surely be worthwhile? Of course and bad guys are a challenge. The girls who go after a bad guy want to keep them to themselves and will do a great deal to keep hold. The more you want them, the greater there is a chance they may walk away. Women love to feel good about themselves and getting their bad guy, at least for a while, satisfies that urge. This appeals to some people and the greater the danger of loosing a bad guy, the greater the effort to keep them. There may be a lesson there.

Bad guys are confident and self assured. They know what they are about and don’ really care what others think. They are their own men and don’t need others to prop them up. Some can become almost caricatures of themselves but that doesn’t make them any less attractive. Bad guys don’t have to be in shape, just look at James Galdofini from The Sopranos. Somewhat out of shape if Mr. Soprano doesn’t mind me saying, but immensely attractive all the same.

What have we got if we combine these facets. Power, strength of character, confidence, a maverick nature and an immensely interesting personality. That equals sexy. Is it any wonder therefore that such types of guys often get the gals. It doesn’t mean to say that we like them and it doesn’t mean to say that this is fair or a good thing. But it can be natures way.

I am not in any way suggesting that we should all be Mr. Bad Guy. No not at all. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned here. What is attractive can be modified and added to our social arsenal of dating weaponry. It is first the way you perceive yourself that matters. If you can increase your confidence levels, get your career on the right tracks, excel in what you do and be your own man within the confines of your working life then this will boost your attractiveness. You don’t need to go round being bad, but you can be a bit more deliberate in your actions, a little less available and a little more enigmatic. This will boost your interest factor and again help in your attractiveness.

The modern dating game is highly complex and courting rituals can be a minefield. Go back to basics and analyze within yourself what is it that you think partners like and how can you match of yourself to those qualities. Changing just a few small things could make the world of difference.

Citing sources:
http://www.topdatingtips.com

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